The Melodious

Thank you God that you do not require me to figure out your elaborate plan, nor do you even require to figure out what my part is in the plan.

Though I try over and over again to understand, I keep ending up in the same place. You just are and you just want me to be. But that is too simple for my complex mind to comprehend.

I know without a doubt that you DO NOT want us to be ignorant of the truth. Somehow our minds cannot equate truth to a person. We think that the truth is something we need to understand rather than just embrace.

Is it such a secret shrouded in a locked box under the sea protected by man eating sharks an army of electric eels and ghost pirates? I guess it might as well be if we won’t believe it’s true.

The only truth worth knowing is Jesus and I admit that I do not know him best. My relationship with Him is often shallow but I go on believing and pretending that I have embraced him while I cling to my own anemic and feeble understanding. Maybe that’s why the scripture says lean not on your own understanding.

My desire is that I become so dependent on him that I no longer seek any other source of fulfillment except from Him. I know it sounds like a desire that I am making up to be spiritual, but I can only determine that this desire was placed in me by God Himself. I could not manufacture it on my own because I know full well that my bent is on my own self fulfillment.. It could not have come from me.

So He put this desire down in the depths of my heart knowing that nothing in all the world would fill it. Isn’t that unfair and cruel?

But I have discovered that in seeking Him and allowing Him to fill my heart and my mind that it brings joy and fulfillment that no money could buy.

I conclude that nothing in this life will satisfy me more than discovering who I am in Christ.

“We have this treasure in earthen vessel…that we may know the Excellency….

I do not deserve this truth, I did not earn it and I certainly do not understand it, but I embrace it with all of my being. However, my will to do right is so fleeting, I will need to hear His voice again tomorrow.

Written 2/25/08 after stress and contemplation